Radical Shifts: Your Life Can Really Change in a Year

Your reality depends on your perception.

  -NP

I’ve always hated transitions. From grade 3 to 4 (the start of the grading system), I got a sea of Cs and minuses. From grade 7 to 8 (elementary to high school), I landed in the hospital…twice. From grade 12 to freshman year, I nearly failed out of school and developed a minor drinking problem. Last year (2 years post-grad), I spiraled into a crippling depression.

Life has not always been champagne and roses, and in fact, I’ve probably had more dips in my life than wins. If you’re going through a rough time with life transitions, career, finances, relationships, health, or just adulting in general, I know how it is, and I know far too well the toll it can take on your mental health. I hope my story tells you that if I can make it out alive, not once, but twice, you can very well too.

On a side note, I have a childhood best friend who recently moved across the world. Whenever I see her social media pictures, it’s like looking at an entirely different person – a stranger. Her complexion is radiating, and her smile, genuine. My best friend, unfortunately, had crippling depression for years and years. So much so that I don’t recall a version of her without it. Now looking at this new person, a “stranger,” it’s like passing by someone I knew from another life.

Things do get better. And I know in the moment when you’re fighting to get out of bed, or you’re bawling your eyes out for the fifth time that week, that it feels like an endless hell. Last year, I didn’t think things were going to get better. My mind was clouded with sadness, and for the first time in a long time, I had thoughts of what it would be like to die. Would it be a relief?

These are not easy things to talk about, but I think it’s relevant to contrast how I feel now, with how bad things were a year ago.

I was on my own for the first time besides college. Despite the grandeur and beauty of my new home, that quickly wore off and was replaced by feelings of purposelessness and scarcity. Financially, I was barely – not even surviving. In August 2022, I wasn’t paying rent.  I was trying to construct a startup based on what I thought “was right” and not because I enjoyed it. I don’t recall doing many “enjoyable activities” that summer. One day by the pool, as the sun was just turning down, I turned to my partner and asked, “When was it ever going to be enough? When would I be happy?” With the familiar feelings of frustration and sadness bubbling up in my chest.

I think even if you’re not experiencing ginormous positive changes in your life, it’s important to acknowledge even the small things that have changed and made your life better. Evolution doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it’s the result of little shifts over a long period of time. On this evolution journey, there are dips and periods where you’ll feel once again lost, hopeless, and disheartened. I want to tell you it’s all part of it. But the trajectory is going up for you, nevertheless. 

These are six small but radical shifts that have happened to me over the past six months. The old mantra is true, your life really can change in a year.

1. I’ve taken proactive measures to address my problems.

I started on anti-depressants (Zoloft, to be exact) around the same time I started my job. Despite my initial hesitation, these little white pills have done wonders for me. It doesn’t make me “happier” per se, but it allows me to be in a place of emotional and mental stability. Prior to going on these, I was severely depressed. When someone is depressed, you can tell because they have this lackluster, tired facial expression that looks permanently etched onto their face. No activities seem pleasurable, and you count the seconds until the end of the day when you get to (acceptably) plop back into bed. I was prone to intense mood swings, swinging from crippling sadness to bouts of rage. My partner often found me sleeping on the couch barely by the evening time. My emotional state led to one of the biggest fights I’ve had with my partner and was a cause of unwavering concern and anxiety for him. Of course, there will be people out there who argue you can take “natural remedies” to cure your depression other than relying on pharmaceuticals. But for me, it’s the difference between night and day. It’s the difference between being able to concentrate and actually finish a book and barely making it through a chapter. Shortly after starting a real job, I got promoted to manager but fell into another spiral. I was taking many sick days, drinking, and partying a lot. I decided to seek out a therapist and a career counsellor to help me get over this mental hump. Today, I am more at peace with where I am, and I see it as just another stop in the long road ahead.

2. I’ve gone on amazing trips with my partner and ‘inner circle’ friends.

As you may tell, I love traveling, and it is a true luxury for me to be able to do so. I’ve done trips that most people will never experience in their lifetime, and I finally did a group trip with the right people.  I’ve had some pretty darn special moments this year in places far and close. And I’ve been able to afford it, and I’m fortunate my partner is in a really good financial place where he can shoulder more of the bills when we travel. It gives us room to travel the way we want.

3. I’ve dug myself out of financial distress.

I was b-r-o-k-e. And for a long time, and sometimes still, I feel broke. I’ve conditioned myself to feel broke for a long time, but I can now confidently say I am no longer in a state of financial distress. Can I afford to do whatever I want without looking at the bill? Absolutely not, but with proper planning, I can indulge in beautiful experiences and invest in better-quality items. When they say money can’t buy you happiness, it’s absolute horse-shit if you’ve been in financial distress. Money can buy many things, but the biggest thing is relief. The second, options. Even a little bit of money can change your life – I truly believe it because I’ve lived through it twice. Once during Covid-19 with the stimulus checks, and once this year, with finally getting back on my two feet financially.  Financial relief, to me, is a form of enduring happiness. Having a partner that can afford to foot the bill for larger expenses while I’m still working myself up is happiness. Being able to travel comfortably without airport hassle is happiness. But truly, financial relief mostly lives in the day-to-day. It’s walking into the grocery store, coffee shop, bar, restaurant, a retail store without the anxiety you won’t have enough to pay for what you want. Am I saying I never feel that way? No, but it happens less than when I was living on $10 a day.

4. I’ve torn down my old vision board with “business ideas” and started a new one on Canva – with the things Naomi actually wants.

When things were getting really bad, my partner could notice it, and he wanted to do anything within his power to help. At that time, I had no idea I had severe anxiety that prevented me from proactively applying to work – in fact, the last thing I wanted to do was work a normal job. My partner is an entrepreneur, so naturally, he thought it would be a good idea if I tried out the entrepreneurial path. At the time, anything seemed more palpable than getting a 9-5. For more on my experience trying to build a startup..read here. We sat down one day in his office, whiteboard in front of us, and laid out a business plan. And that’s how I started my marketing consultancy.

For months and months, it was tough. I never felt so lonely building something that deep down I didn’t really want. But numerically, I thought it would be more lucrative to get this started and going than to get a normal $50-$60k job. Starting a business was, at times, easier and harder than I thought. I honestly to god, think anyone can do it if they have half a brain cell, but most importantly have the discipline and courage to go through months without making a dime. If they can apply themselves every day to learn, to get rejected, and then to get back up, day after day, sometimes for a year or two straight. I think it is feasible for most. But for most people, including myself, it gets unmotivating and derailing being a one-man show (+ contractors) and not making any money. It’s not for everyone, and in fact, I wouldn’t recommend this path for most. In fact, I think if you really want to make an impact, it’s perhaps more healthy and sustainable to work at a fast-paced company and help them scale. But entrepreneurship is not designed for people that like “healthy” and “sustainable.” In fact, it’s the exact polar opposite. It’s a different type of drug, no lifestyle.

I needed to recognize that letting go was not a form of weakness, but it was the best thing I could do for myself at the time. In return, I gained skills and knowledge I would not have otherwise acquired. So yes, those months of hell did pay off in its own strange way.

My vision board lately is not obnoxiously plastered over my kitchen wall anymore. It lives on a whiteboard in Canva with many colourful, different aspects:

I have dreams for the places I want to travel to.

I have dreams for the type of workplace I want to create.

I have dreams for a certain type of lifestyle.

I have dreams for the “fun,” luxury things I would love to have in 5-10 years.

There’s no specific process to getting these things, but I think that’s the beauty of a vision board. It’s a visual embodiment of your highest aspirations. And sometimes, there’s no one path to getting to a destination. Before, when I had those numbers and quarterly targets plastered on the wall, I found myself actively avoiding looking at the wall. The reason, it never felt truly aligned with what I really wanted. And sometimes a bit of shame for not hitting those targets on time.

Nowadays, I’m brimmed with bemusement when I look at my digital vision board, and I add to it, bit by bit. My dreams evolve, just like I do. In fact, I’ve been able to cross something off in the 5-10 year section within just 3 months of creating my vision board!

Super. Exciting. Stuff.

5. I’ve broken obligations that were no longer serving me financially and mentally.

When I first started my job in November, I had a few things on my plate, to say the least. I had a:

1. Full-time job
2. Tutoring gigs 3-4x a week
3. A marketing consultancy
4. 4-8x interviews a month for my journalism work
5. Blogging 1-2x week

It was a lot… but I was used to it, and I thrived in it because I was in survival mode. I don’t regret doing all of that a bit. In fact, it’s probably what I needed to do for myself financially. Fast forward to today, and this is what my schedule looks like.

6. Full-time job
7. Tutoring gigs 2 3-4x a week
8. A marketing consultancy
9. 4-8x interviews a month for my journalism work
10. Blogging 1-2x week

That’s about a quarter reduction in work. Here’s what I gained in return:

• Calmness – I had this mild but persistent anxiety throughout the day about completing all of my tasks for work. There was also guilt for not being 100% focused or engaged in one obligation. I would dread having to go home and plop back in front of a computer to get back to work.
• Happiness – After a few months of de-loading, I can confidently say I am a happier and less stressed person. No weekend grumpy face. On a good day, I can exercise twice a day, and it makes me feel amazing inside and out. I can lull by the pool and enjoy suntanning and dips without the guilt. I commit my attention to my blog in my spare time, which I rarely feel like it’s a “forced” activity, unlike my previous obligations. I’m a happier person because I’m able to return that energy back to myself.
• More engagement in my work (the one that pays me the most): It’s funny once you apply yourself to one thing, whether that’s work, a relationship, or a goal, you’re more focused, and you actually enjoy that one thing more. It was a bit of a transition from a busy bee to a one-commitment type of gal, but it helped me overcome the hump I was facing at work.
• More time to work on my own passion projects: Again, this is returning some of that love and hard-earned money to myself. Some people invest their money in learning new skills like tennis or golf, but since I’m not overly athletic, I invest my time and money on this blog/social media. This project truly brings me joy outside of my 9-5. Also, I have an e-book that is coming out very soon!!

6. I’ve found a way to co-exist with my 9-5 without losing my mind.

I think every time you start something new and unfamiliar, it’s hard, and it’s an adjustment period. I worked from home for the entire duration after graduation, so returning to the office was a transition. Having to crawl out of bed at the break of dawn was hard, and it continued to be very hard throughout the winter months. I didn’t love my job and the things that were required of me. Every day felt challenging, but I think the challenge aspect is what forces you to grow at the end of the day. There were problems at work in which I wished we just had more money to throw at to make it go away. But we don’t have that option.

After 7 months of working at this company, I finally have some idea what’s going on. I can lead 30% better than I could 2-3 months ago. I can make my own decisions 15% more than I could before. I am 30% more focused than when I had many different obligations. I don’t get out of bed agnizing the day in front of me – and that for me is a splendid win. All I want to do is leave the company in better shape than I found it.

Many people perceive cutting back on obligations or “quitting” as a weakness. I don’t blame them, as we live in a society that prioritizes pure hustle over mental wellness or sustainability.

No wonder our mental health numbers are looking worse by the year. Success doesn’t come with the number of things you have on your resume; it’s determined by how well you execute the things that are on your plate. If you can maximize just one goal, you have a far greater chance of succeeding than if you have five. I see it as this; I rather have one article getting published in the New York Times than 20 on various unknown publications. Take it from someone who was “addicted to being busy” yet not truly productive. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not, it’s helped me arrive at where I am today. But my advice for you is to listen to yourself more. Stop looking around at what everyone else is doing, and stick to what you’re genuinely passionate about or interested in learning/doing. Because of my depression/anxiety, I had that passion muffled. I couldn’t tell the difference between what I enjoyed and didn’t, so I took on whatever was the lowest-hanging fruit. Once the finances started getting better and the medication started kicking in, that passionate side of me started to come back.
I don’t see life through rose-coloured glasses, but I’m sure as hell not shrouded by dark clouds anymore. The life in front of me has a more crystalline structure now because I’ve been through the worst and the best times. Now I’m accepting of just cruising in the in-between, catching good emotions and bad as they come. And to let them pass with appreciation and ease.