Two Exercises to Get You Unstuck

Have you ever felt stuck? I know I have. Several times in my life.

Feeling stuck in life feels like a painful muscle knot you can’t fully get rid of; no matter how much you try to sleep it off or massage it with a lacrosse ball. Some precursors to getting unstuck I’m proposing might come as a surprise. If you run on a tight, busy schedule, this isn’t going to be a walk in the park. But the prerequisite to getting unstuck is actually to cut down on productivity and being “busy.”

Most of us substitute being busy for an emotion, a state of existence, or a way to not deal with uncomfortable emotions. I’ve definitely been guilty of responding with “busy” when someone asked me how I was.

When we’re constantly running around like a chicken without its head on, there’s a lack of space to think or to reflect inwards. We’re chronically exhausted and we feel this surging flare-up of distraught and “what am I doing with my life?” at given times. Yet, we let it pile up like that closet section you never bothered cleaning. Netflix at the end of a long day, is easier than introspection, that’s for sure.

So first – Analyze. 

Take an hour to analyze your entire calendar for the week. Do an audit of what is essential to you, otherwise known as your non-negotiables. For me, these are things like work (duh, have to make money), exercise (for my health), and relationships. For anything that falls out of that category, I want you to make a list and manually check off the things that you really think would subtract from your happiness if you didn’t do them.

Every action comes with its intended consequence. Although instantaneously, you might believe that letting go of a certain thing will devastate one aspect of your life, you’ll find that, in most cases, this is far from the truth. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received was that you can have it all— but not everything at once.

Personally, laying low on my freelance journalism work meant a little hit in my overall income. But could I live with it? Does it impact my lifestyle that much? The answer is yes and no. The truth is, giving that up has bought me back time and energy to cook nutritious meals for my partner and I. This has had a greater positive impact on my energy levels.

We will trick ourselves sometimes into thinking we love doing something, but ask yourself this: If there was no financial motivation to do it—Would you still be doing that thing?

For me, blogging is the opposite of that. I don’t get paid to blog, I genuinely just think it helps me process my thoughts, gives me purpose, and helps me stay consistent at building a skill.

Once you do those audits, let go of those self-motivated activities for a month. Check back in to see how you are. How do you feel? Lighter? Frustrated? Antsy? Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay.  Ryan Holiday, the bestselling author of The Daily Stoic, said recently on a podcast, that “Discipline is choosing the thing that’s hard for you.” So if taking a pause from work is hard for you, it’s likely the thing that needs the most work.

The important result of this audit is you buy back some time. Even a couple of hours a week can be spent on introspection and identifying the root cause of feeling stuck.

People usually feel stuck in three zones:

Their career

Their purpose

Their relationships

The two exercises I’m proposing can be used for all three zones. I want you to imagine you have a telescope and you’re looking far into the future. The best way to get unstuck is to look ahead with optimism and a fresh perspective.

1. In an ideal world, what would you like to see happen?

This question was taken straight out of a page in therapy. If you find yourself lacking some concrete goals, this question is a good place for you to start thinking about your dreams and aspirations. There are going to be seasons in your life where you get knocked down and stop believing in dreams. I want you to slowly start reintroducing that spirited, wanderlust child filled to the brim with impossible dreams to your adult self. 

What do you find yourself envying on TV, social media, or magazines? Perhaps, you would love to get into better shape, to be in better health and full of youthful vigor. Or you want to have the ability one day to afford all the delightful pieces you see on the runways on TV. Envy can be a source of power if we channel it properly. I go in-depth about this common emotion in this post.

Besides Envy, we all have some form of insatiable hunger for better things, circumstances, or emotions. Freedom, explicit joy, and love— these are the core emotions I crave and desire in my life every day. 

Unhappiness. So you’re unhappy with one or more aspects of your life. Are you going to dwell in this unhappiness, or are you going to acknowledge it’s a temporary state that you can get out of?

When you start writing out the things you want in an ideal world, you may surprise yourself that you sometimes already have some of those things. This is because the extent of our imagination only stretches so far; it’s much easier to envision actions that we’ve done before or receive things we’ve received in the past. I’ll give a simple example. I lived in a small city, about a 20-minute drive from the downtown core for 23 years of my life. But somehow, from a young age, I was always fascinated with the downtown area. I would frequent the main “downtown” mall after class, and I would eventually spend most of my adolescent years working downtown at various jobs. I would drag my butt up at 7 in the morning, ride the train downtown, then another bus to get to a spin or barre class before I went to class all the way on the other side of the city.

I loved the energy, puppies, and fitness-crazed lifestyle that the downtown area promised. When I was working part-time as a barista at the convention center, I would stare out into the ocean overpouring with glitter and dreams, or sometimes take up running across the sea wall before my shift—imagining what it was like to run this path every day.

Today, I live a 10-minute jog away from the seawall, a 20-minute walk from the beach, and a 10-15 minute walk from any fitness class I could ever have dreamed of attending.

The point is, it’s your actions that are going to determine the results. If you dream of being in shape but never move a muscle—how do you think you’re going to put on lean muscle weight suddenly? It’s nearly impossible.

When it comes to “manifestation”, you must keep performing the actions or behavior you want to be doing in your ideal world. For me, that meant spending a lot of my waking hours downtown-either working, working out, or partying.

The same kind of results happened to me with writing and my finances.

If you envision yourself living in a certain neighborhood, make it a personal mission to drive by that neighborhood weekly and pretend in your mind that you’re “going home.”

Seriously, this shit works.

Olympic athletes use the technique of visualization too. They run the race in their minds before their foot even hits the dirt. And they’ve done studies on this too.

• Create a gameplan 

The most exhilarating task is making a plan. Everyone loves a good plan. I love plans in business and in my personal life. The most powerful thing about a plan is it keeps you grounded on certain goals, and targets, and it allows you to feel content where you are. If you’re an overachiever or a perfectionist, it may feel like nothing is ever enough. No matter how far you’ve come along, what you achieved, or what you possess, it never feels good enough. Having a plan allows you to use that OCD part of yourself but channel it toward something productive and hopefully more satisfying. If things are going according to plan, you’re exactly where you need to be. You can shut that inner critic up for once and allow yourself to claim the present.

During COVID, I created two plans of what my life would look like from the age of 22-65+. Unfortunately, these documents were embedded in one of my old computers, so it’ll be a pleasant surprise if I’m ever able to recover them. I began writing this plan when I really had not much else to do… I was unemployed, and most places were in lockdown..you get the gist. It’s funny because we usually know the answers to what’s best for us, but it takes a little work to draw it out. That’s why I find therapy to be particularly helpful because it forces you to draw out those answers. Although I can’t exactly detail every single step of my “plans” I can give you kind of the main takeaways.

• From age 22-25 was about travel, networking, and making meaningful connections. And an internship of some sort.
• From 25-30 was about building and gaining senior leadership roles.
• From 30-35 was either beginning a consulting firm or pursuing a career in foreign relations.
• 35-45 would all be about building again, as I almost starting anew in the next chapter of my life.
• 45-50- Write a book? Run for office?

As I said, everything in life has a time and a place. We often look around at others achieving all sorts of milestones and sometimes we feel a pang of incompetence. However, you must be wary that most of what you see is the “tip” of the iceberg. The full behind-the-scenes are often not revealed leading up to that successful moment, or moments. The messiness, the disruption, the destruction, the shedding, unveiling, and ultimately, then comes the blossoming.

Never judge a book by its cover.

When you have your own plan, you won’t let envy or societal pressures get in the way of pushing forward. Or sticking at that tough stage a little longer… 

Although I never got that trust fund baby internship, I do think I got a solid internship in life and a degree in trial and error! I was fairly conservative and generous with my life plans, case in point: Dedicating two of three years to “traveling, networking and internships”.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m okay exactly where I am right now, and I’m not being lazy for taking some time to actually enjoy my life.  It’s ironic because when we go through periods of time of arduous work and long hours, we never stop and say to ourselves, “Wow, you’re working too hard right now! You need to take a break.” As young people, we always feel in a rush to get somewhere. But we don’t always have time to stretch out and think— just how much can really change in a year. How beautiful that change can be. Our careers can be long, adventurous, and abundant if we’re not always thinking about retirement. We even have the opportunity to shift industries or start anew even at 50. That possibility should excite you.

Rebirth is always an exciting phase. But it doesn’t come without breaking down, shedding, and unveiling what’s underneath the skin we’re so used to wearing. And that part before rebirth feels uncomfortable, painful, and vulnerable. I’ve been there so many times I can’t even count. But my rebirth phase is coming, I can feel it.

Write a letter to your future self

I always loved the number 25. Twenty-five symbolized the day I was born, the month before Christmas day, and today, it’s the number of the floor I live on. And so three years ago, I wrote a letter to my 25-year-old self.

At this point-

• I’ve yet to graduate from university
• COVID and lockdowns have just started
• I was single.
• I had no clue what life had in store for me.

So on a particular day, when I was feeling uncertain about the future,  I sat down and wrote a letter to my 25-year-old self.

I started off by saying how proud I was of my future self— for all things I’ve overcome, survived, and conquered. I held this clear vision for myself: I had this beautiful apartment all to myself that I called home. My bedroom was minimalistic and functional, with a bed with comfy dark caramel duvet covers and a little nightstand with a digital alarm clock. I would get up in the morning, walk into my quaint and clean kitchen table, put the coffee on, and slowly gaze out the window in relaxation. The type of awe for life that I always dreamed of having. My career was going strong and I traveled frequently. I had an affectionate and supportive partner that would swing by and have brunch with on the weekends. Those four simple things I held deeply in my heart and my mind.

Independence

Career

Partnership and love

An awe for life as it was

My desire for independence comes from being my truest self. Having my own interests not governed by the opinions or expectations of others. Having my own value system, and northern compass. Having my own way of doing things, messing up, and learning from my own mistakes— and not relying on the backbone of someone else’s work. Autonomy is, in my essence. Even if you find your life entwined with another, you must learn to know who you are at the core. You need to find time apart, find time in solitude, and find time to do the things that have always made you the giddiest version of yourself.

For me, solitude time means writing, creating, art, cleaning, and moving.

Things that make me feel giddy:

• Solving a hard problem 
• Having aha moments in my work or learning process
• Slinging back drinks with one friend I truly feel comfortable with
• Dancing till 3 am at a dive club
• Having a clean and fresh home
• Having the mental capacity to cook for myself
• Eating freshly prepared meals every day – no leftovers
• Going on Canva and creating content for my social media
• Shopping in a cute, off-the-road boutique store and finding a unique piece
• Getting great deals on things 
• Journaling and learning something new about myself
• Scented candles
• Late night drives 
• Relaxing in the jacuzzi when no one is there early in the morning, or right after an exhausting day.
• Getting a good pump at the gym.

Notice that none of the things I listed involves the external validation that we so desperately, subconsciously seek in our public life. We seek validation from our boss, the person we see, our families, and even to impress a new friend on the block.

But seeking validation rarely results in long, sustainable happiness. What it does not do is bring out the spirit that’s always been there. The essence of who you are.

Your Turn: Get Unstuck!

If you’re in a place in your life where you feel a heightened sense of uncertainty, anxiety about the future, or just a subtle but prevalent feeling of unfulfillment; I want to challenge you to face that energy head-on and channel it towards these exercises. We can all use more life brainstorming sessions with ourselves. I also want you to do these exercises alone, to avoid the influence of others as much as possible.

You’ll find that after you have in mind a destination, where you are currently can either be an impediment or a stepping stone. Either way. It prompts you to take actions that drive you more toward the final destination.

Let yourself get lost in this process, until you slowly find your way back to the present—but with a completely new perspective.