This is What I Would Do in my Self Care Era

So many of us grew up in an era where self-care was not taught properly. Being raised by immigrants in a first-world country, all I observed from my parents was hard work, long hours, and on the reverse, falling asleep on the couch with the TV running.

That was balance, I guess,or self-care for my parents. Simultaneously, we are flushed with self-care imagery every day on social media. Candles, wine and bubble baths. Notice how a lot of self-care rituals are commercialized and product-focused. Buy this skin cream, or eat this brand of vegan, ethically sourced chocolate.

Although I love products, and I truly believe investing in yourself is a form of self-care, there are alternative ways to meet your self-care needs.

In the hustle and bustle of today’s world, the significance of self-care is under-reported. As a woman, it’s hard sometimes to feel like I deserve to care for myself. Some women tend to get into the trap of playing catch with themselves and society’s standards. To many it may seem that the modern woman is not only a prolific worker but also manages household responsibilities and performs emotional labour. At least that’s the ideology I grew up with.

Why is Self Care (Actually) Important?

In one of my previous posts, I talked about living without a hair dryer for a year. How I stopped investing in clothing or small luxuries. Besides the financial factor, I just felt like I didn’t deserve to take care of myself. Only when I got to X point.

You know that feeling when you’re on a diet and tell yourself you will have a big cheat day (reward) at the end of the week? You get to the end of the week and don’t end up rewarding yourself because you tell yourself you can hold out a bit more. Eventually, it all comes crashing down…

That’s kind of how it felt with me and self-care. I would forcibly make myself take a day off on Sundays, but feel terrible for ‘doing nothing’ and then get in the worst, depressive moods. Going long periods without efficiently and adequately caring for myself- I became depleted.

Get out of the Pseudo Self Care 

Stop subscribing to self-care routines that don’t benefit you. If you don’t like candles or reading, what makes you think you’ll like those things a month from now?

Self-care is simple. Do the activities that truly make you feel the happiest.

Let it be spontaneous.

So many of us like hyper-structuralizing our lives. The media teaches us that we should always be busy and, therefore, need productivity hacks, time blocking, or apps for absolutely everything— even self-care.

The reality is, if I’m in a workflow, I might not want to stop at the two-hour mark to go and do yoga. Conversely, if I feel tired on a particular day at 3 pm, ideally, I want to clock out and do something nourishing (sometimes, this simply means a nap).

When self-care becomes regimented, it just becomes another chore. This is hugely counterintuitive if the result you want is replenishment and healing.

Let it be spontaneous, and go with your inner flow.

I no longer “make myself” take time off on the weekend unless my brain is absolutely fried from the week. I listen to my body and what it needs and work with it, instead of against it. For example, I routinely teach Saturday mornings, and when I come back, I may not have the brain capacity to work, but I clean up my apartment to refresh it for the next day. I might take the rest of the afternoon/evening off to “veg out” (yes, I’m coining this term). Sunday morning comes, and I feel refreshed and replenished. I might take a long walk around the beach and return to tackle more work tasks. I genuinely savour these moments where everything feels like it’s falling into place, rather than me trying to meet some mental obligation.

Other things I might Implement for Self Care

Nap + Exercise

This combination does wonders for me. If I’m in a shitty mood, it’s most likely because my body craves extra rest. Sometimes you wake up from a short nap and feel even worse and groggy. That’s why I recommend it a. Hydrating right away and b.Hitting the gym for a quick workout or taking a brisk walk to get the blood flowing.

Nutrition

I cannot stress this enough, but what you give your body is what it will give you back. Energetically, it makes a world of difference when my partner and I eat home-cooked meals with a balance of veggies, protein, and carbs. 

I recommend getting blood tests semi-annually to ensure you’re not deficient. This also gives you a clearer roadmap of what supplements you should invest in. For women, it’s common to be deficient in iron and vitamin D, which are both super important for energy and bone health. Take an enzyme deficiency test if you’re experiencing digestive and gut health issues.

Taking time for yourself

Although we might love spending time with friends or loved ones, this most likely comes with an energy exchange. If we’ve had a long week with work, we might feel obligated to go out and socialize. But this can further drain our energy (especially for introverts).

One thing that’s been making a significant impact in my life is learning to spend time with myself again. This looks like taking long walks by myself, getting brunch with myself, and reading. I haven’t been able to get into a steady reading routine for the past year because I was always so preoccupied and anxious. I finished a book the other day and finally have the mental capacity to enjoy reading again.

Saying no

We’re more prone to saying yes in our earlier years because we fear missing out on an opportunity. Sometimes saying no to ‘okay’ opportunities gives us space to say yes to better opportunities in the future. Balance your time wisely, and choose the obligations that fill your heart, not just your mind.

Stop spending your efforts on projects that don’t align with your values. This will eventually deteriorate you, and you’re unlikely to last long enough to get a meaningful experience out of it.

Last of all,

Be kind to yourself and patient. If self-care is not something that’s intuitive, play around and experiment until you hit the right chord. The hardest thing is taking the first step.

When I’m in a depressive mood, the last thing I might want to do is get out of bed and do something. But if I manage to get myself out of the house and engage in some activity that I know from experience brings me joy, I’m less likely to be in that same state afterwards.

Moving from state to state is easier than you might assume. But you need to initiate that first step

Self care is like a muscle you have to exercise, but after a while it becomes more like a reflex.