How to Find Confidence in Uncertain Situations

As we go through life, we will discover that out of the many things that are within our control—there are just as many things that aren’t.

A lot of people expend their energy on the things that aren’t within their control—rather than on the things that are. Part of this is to subconsciously avoid responsibility.

Think about it, it’s easier to blame the professor for your bad grades, than on your own diligence in studying the material. 

In other cases, you will do everything that is within your control to achieve an objective—-however, the consequences might not always add up to what you were expecting. This can really diminish your own confidence in your abilities. But in reality, it’s not so much that your abilities and efforts are lacking—but that there is a multitude of factors that go into the decision of final outcomes, some spontaneous, some not.

I’ve worked pretty hard on things that never really amounted to anything. I’ve also given minimal effort to others, and have received surprising results. This doesn’t mean I’m going to start putting in minimal effort to everything, since the decision is not in my hands anyways— but more so to prove that sometimes you can do everything that’s within your control, but the consequences aren’t always based solely upon you.

What is more important is the character development that comes through your actions. You can’t be a hard worker unless you persistently support that characteristic with behaviors. You also can’t be responsible, unless you start taking more responsibility for your actions.

Amidst all the noise, rejections, and uncertainty in our lives— there are ways to find your ground and build confidence as a person in that. Here’s how.

Chasing Opportunities but Not Getting the First One You Want

Fresh out of college, and after a month of traveling by myself I was ready to jump straight into the pursuit of a ‘dream career’. As you know from my last post, I had a very particular objective in mind in terms of what that was. After a month of just applying for jobs, I got a total of one interview. That’s right, one.

One that I made it to the third round and had felt pretty confident up until the point I never heard back from them. Not a single peep.

In your ‘working hours’ which on average for most people is 45 years—- there are going to be a million opportunities. Most likely, 90% of them won’t pan out. It takes work to find the 10% that will, and the ones that do will probably elevate you by magnitudes compared to the ones you felt bad being rejected by.

We’re often in such a rush to get to the 10% of our lives, that we begin to fall out of focus with the things that can be done right now.

So you didn’t get that job—what can you do right now instead?

The hiring process generally takes around a month, are you going to wait around that whole month, or are you going to put yourself into practice, or maybe another challenging environment?

Every day is like a test. When we don’t get optimal results from doing one thing, we need to zoom out and look at the things we can improve in the meantime.

One of the statements that I live by is that “there’s no such thing as wasted effort.”

Every ounce of energy you put in naturally produces some form of output. And although you might not see the purpose of it now, you never know how it can help you in the future.

Building Confidence Through Rejection

I used to be terrified of interviews. So one Summer, I applied as much as I could and forced myself to do these interviews until I was no longer afraid. Nowadays, I quite enjoy interviews because I treat them like a conversation and a way to gauge my connection with the interviewer.

Same thing with rejection. Most people perceive rejection as a rejection of their character, their abilities, or even their appearance. However, if you shift the narrative in your mind— to almost as if you’re playing a game, it can disparage your fear of rejection.

The truth is, becoming a success is often a mixture of hard work and luck. In order to get more luck or chances, you have to play more games to increase your probability of success. With more games, also comes more losses. You have to choose whether or not you’re ready to endure those losses.

Many, and I don’t blame them, would rather take the comfortable route, and just get one thing right the first time and settle with that. And I wholeheartedly relate with that. Growing up with Asian parents, you were never praised for doing well. There was a subconscious expectation that you do things once and right the first time. Failure was not an option.

But that mindset can really adversely impact you in the real world. You’re going to go through a lot of no;, as a student, as an employee, and as an entrepreneur. If you’re not equipped to deal with the nos, you’re going to find yourself, many times stagnant, lost, and disappointed with the outcomes you can’t control.

If you mastered the art of rejection, you begin to view it as “how many times can they reject me before I get a yes?” Now you’re chasing rejections, instead of letting them have control over you.

Rejection builds tough skin. And tough skin is necessary to survive the most worthwhile endeavors in life.

How to Thrive When you Don’t Know Exactly What the Next Stone is

Many of us work our whole lives to meet someone else’s expectations.

Read that again.

We’re waiting for our next break, and doing everything we can in hopes that someone out there, an institution, or a business will lay the stones for our success.

So how can you begin to lay your own stones?

Think deeply about what kind of person you want to become, and what do you want to accomplish over a lifetime?

Are there perhaps, other ways of getting there instead of the one path you’re steadfast on? Can you leverage some part of your life, or your existing connections to set this up?

If you’re wondering what the future has in store for you, you’re thinking the wrong way. Shift your thinking to what can I do right now. What are some ways I can creatively forge the path forward for myself? What kinds of skills can I build in the process going this way, rather than another way.

When you begin to focus on the things that are within your control: self-improvement, self-efficacy, mastery, being a good person…etc life will begin to fall in place, because you create the expectations and the narrative.

When we perceive that our lives are in the hands of another, we become anxious because we’re always uncertain whether we’re meeting someone else’s expectations. We’re always trying to shift and mold ourselves to fit into some type of constraint.

It’s liberating when you no longer have to do that and find true confidence in the ways you manage your own life, your expectations, and your emotions around outcomes.

I hope that for many of you who are struggling with finding confidence in the unknown, you can shift the focus onto building your own internal value—your capital.

Make yourself an indispensable force, not for any company, but in order to become someone that’s unshakable and unbreakable— and can find a way out even in the roughest rubble. 

When you a. Gain the ability to be resilient and b.Know what type of life you want for yourself and c. Accept that there are more routes than one to getting there, you are setting yourself up to thrive, instead of being deprived of all the things life ‘has not given you.’