The Top Mind Hacks for Being Less Envious and More Successful

We’ve all experienced that pang of envy—whether it’s scrolling past a perfect vacation, summer body, or a career-related milestone. The feeling of envy has a bad rep because it’s believed to be  “good human beings” we by default need to always feel 100% supportive, especially to those we feel close to.

However, envy is an instinctual, perhaps even normal feeling. We all have certain desires in our lives. Maybe we crave more freedom, more money, more time, more status..etc. It’s natural to feel like “Wow, I wish I had that,” when coming across someone who seemingly has what you desire.

The turning point in this situation is whether you choose to channel that desire into something positive or negative. When we ‘envy’ someone and turn towards a negative reaction, we become jealous—and we might even start to hate that person for what they have or have accomplished. However, this anger does nothing but damage our own selves. We might feel a little more motivated to get whatever it is that we desire, but we just as easily lose touch with the purpose behind our endeavors.

The positive way you can channel envy is this. Acknowledge the feeling, and don’t try to brush it under a rug. It’s there. Take a breath. Pause. Now examine why exactly you feel envious. The majority of the time, it’s because it triggers one of your desires/dreams/goals. Now turn this back to yourself. This desire is no longer about the person you’ve seen or heard from, but it’s actually deep within yourself. Always be cautious of flimsy desires—we ‘think’ we want it, but in reality, it’s like seeing an ad for a shoe sale on Instagram—like do you REALLY want it? I call these potato chip cravings and they happen more often than not due to the endless streams of intentionally crafted content designed to exacerbate these feelings of desire.

These desires are not longevity-based or purpose-driven. Envy signals can actually be signals to act. Maybe we’ve left behind a project we were working on for too long, and we need to get back on it. Perhaps it’s been weeks since we’ve last gone to the gym, and seeing that bikini photo on the beach was a perfect reminder—oh yeah I have to get ready for my vacation.

Although it seems shallow, these tiny indicators show us that we have high aspirations for ourselves, and sometimes the feelings we associate with others, is actually the tension we experience with ourselves on a daily basis. Those moments are just triggers that remind us of the tension.

And if you have tension in your life, then congrats. You’re on the right track because nothing significant is ever achieved without breaking through a bit of tension.

Now that I’ve covered the mindset, let’s get into the hacks.

Focus on your own goals and share them

Having concrete things we’re working towards can have a radical effect on our lives. Even more so, when we tie these goals to a central purpose. I talked all about having a value-driven career plan here. I’ve always shied away from sharing what I’m working on, because of the feeling of insignificance and judgment.

Once you begin sharing, you will find A. People are much more receptive than not to what you’re sharing and B. You will slowly build up confidence over time. Every time you share something, you’re creating a new habit, and the more times you overcome this fear, the easier it will get.

Because you know what it feels like to have that fear, yet still overcome it— you naturally begin to develop more empathy for people who share content on a daily basis. You know the amount of effort, the amount of tries/fails someone had to go through to post something. They didn’t just appear perfect suddenly, they’ve really worked hard to craft that vision for themselves.

Get into the habit of supporting others

We might be used to receiving compliments, but returning them might not always be intuitive. Building a sense of reciprocity in our lives can be extremely powerful. It asserts a sense of belonging and that you’re part of a community that’s bigger than yourself and your own ego.

Celebration is a gorgeous concept— we need to become better at celebrating the little things for others and ourselves. It starts with a gentle reminder. When someone tells us something that’s worth celebrating or we see an image of someone living out their best life, we should remind ourselves to cheer for them. This internal cheer is probably more important than the saying aloud part. We can always say things we don’t actually mean or feel, but if we try to program our emotions to feel a certain way when something happens, we’re creating an authentic internal shift.

Reward yourself consistently with small milestones

How many have you have gone six days straight going to the gym, and decide to still go to the gym on ‘rest day’ purely because ‘you can’. Same thing with diets, studying, or anything that requires effort and goal-setting. There’s constant messaging in society that pertains to this idea of delayed gratification. “If I just hold it out a bit more, I will be happy when I get X.”

It’s like a false illusion. Because when we finally build up to that point, we always think “just a little bit more.” We might even perceive rewards as weakness.

 I’ve been reading a lot about habit building. To facilitate a habit, you need to go through all phases of the habit cycle: cue, motivation, action, and reward. When we cut out the reward part of the process, we may fail to build a concrete habit.

That means if your goal is to build long-term fitness results or get better grades, not rewarding yourself after hitting your targets may deter you from them.

We often set up goals like this. “I want to get from A → B.” 

But if your goal is big enough, there’s so much that happens between A to B. Mapping out appropriate targets where you can give yourself a small reward can help increase the likelihood of you hitting your next target. It also makes the process a whole lot more fun.

Encourage transparency in what you choose to share

I used to be afraid of being vulnerable with what I shared (#tmi much?), but over time I’ve gotten more comfortable. When you’re open about your struggles or the struggles you’ve overcome, people are actually more receptive to it. Vulnerability breeds trust. If you want to begin building a stronger relationship with yourself and others, start by being more transparent about what you’re going through. We might always want to appear like we’re doing amazing and working on big things, but the truth is, everyone regardless of what stage of life, or their accomplishments, experiences periods of uncertainty, boredom, and self-doubt. 

Being honest with myself has always been difficult. Especially running a blog that is dedicated to inspiring and giving, it’s hard to admit to myself and others that I’m not always in the mood to be inspiring to myself. There are weeks when I find myself hopelessly lost. The truth is, the journey is never a smooth uphill line.

Conclusion

I hope with this in mind, you’re able to recognize that these feelings of envy are normal and they can be used to guide your own personal growth, instead of breaking down your relationships with others and yourself. Start by becoming more aware of the signals, identify your deeply rooted desires, and learn to be a cheerleader, not only for others— but for yourself as well. With these new habits in place, you will be on your way to creating a more healthy feedback cycle which will enable you to have a more successful life.