My Intention Word for 2024…

Instead of making boring old New Year resolutions every year, I settle upon a word or theme I want to focus on that year.

Last year was Glow. I’ve written some blog posts this year that covered the theme of Glow such as Radical Shifts and How to Glow Up in 12 months.

But now the question is… did I really glow up??

Keep reading for the truth about my glow-up journey..

The truth is, I glowed up externally, but not too much intrinsically

Regardless of how I appeared, the reality was that I had very little money to my name at the start of 2023. It had only been a few months since I got settled into my current position, and I was still freelancing and doing side gigs on the weekends to supplement my income.

External: I got a promotion and started making a consistent income.

Intrinsic: I still felt broke despite being able to pay rent and save 30% of my income every month.

I went on some pretty fabulous vacations (3x Vegas, Miami) and kept up with my gym routine. I even got into running regularly during the summertime on top of my workout routine! I was eating a bit better compared to peak depression Naomi.

Last year my goal was to just stop dressing like a homeless person. And that I did, I bought some cute staples from Aritizia and got my eyelash extensions every month. Every quarter or so, I got my nails done. I even started getting laser (hello hair-free pits!)

My partner was having his most financially successful year and he bought our dream car. A car I couldn’t have imagined driving at 24 years old. But what people don’t see under my seemingly immaculate life are the angst-filled nights when he wasn’t home, or the days when he felt like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown from the stress of his business, or the vacations where he spent evenings in bed from exhaustion. What people don’t see is the influxes of money coming in, slowly losing its original value.

In September 2023, I reached my savings goal early. I bought myself some nice things including my first iPhone as well as the luxurious Airpod Max. I had a beautiful iMac in mint (my favorite) color, as well as an amazing Macbook Pro laptop (both gifted by my boyfriend). 

I wore glitter-embroidered cocktail dresses, and lipstick-red gowns on vacations, pairing it with a classic Louis Vuitton handbag that cost more than what used to be in my bank account. I treated my parents to a fancy steak dinner at Elisa for my mother’s birthday. I was taking shots at the nicest restaurant in town, and partying with strangers that could spend $10k on bottle service without blinking.

It’s fair to say, I looked like I was having a blast. But in reality, there were many ebbs and flows throughout 2023 that are sometimes hard to address on social media or here. A space that is supposed to be motivating and inspiring for women. But I think I owe it to be authentic to myself and my readers.

God, I was so tired….

From the time I started my marketing job to around March 2023, I was basically working three jobs. My 9-5, freelance writing, marketing consulting, and tutoring on the weekends. I was so accustomed to survival mode, that I didn’t know when or how to stop. I was pushing myself to the edge, for little reasonable return. I expected so much from myself, that when I didn’t meet those expectations, I just felt like a failure.  I felt lost and transferred my frustration/ fatigue into resentment towards my main job. In other words, I was burnt out but I wasn’t able to clue into it. One of the biggest signs of burnout is a feeling of apathy towards life. The darker and shorter days only compounded whatever negative emotions I was experiencing. I would go out on benders during some weekdays, and barely drag myself throughout the day at work. One time I threw up in the bathroom at work. It went unnoticed because I’m a relatively high-functioning person despite feeling utterly depressed.

I finally caved and made a call to a therapy center. Getting on the phone with a therapist, I told her I was feeling lost despite things externally looking good for me. She had experience in career counseling so I thought it was a pretty good fit. It took a few therapy sessions for me to finally let go of the tasks or activities that were no longer.

1. Financially sustainable.
2. Fulfilling.

If a task was neither A nor B, it did not make any sense to continue regardless of whatever sense of “obligation” I felt. Putting others’ needs constantly over my own was leading me to crash and burn again and again.

As soon as I started letting go of the tasks that were no longer serving me, I started to feel better…

I remember coming home one day, and finally not dreading having to “work” again. I went for a swim, read a book, and went to the gym. This was the little slice of heaven I was craving- simply coming to a stop at the end of my workday. A luxury I had denied myself for so long; this feminine urge for rest.

My Intention Word of the Year is RECONNECT

Why reconnect you may ask? For the past few years, I’ve been relentlessly focusing on how to elevate and get to the next step in my career. Regardless of what mental, relational, and physical sacrifices it was going to require, all I wanted was this masculine way of succeeding. 

Get to the top of the ladder, make more money, more, more, more….

But one thing I’ve come to realize is that I tend to glide into this autopilot mode, where life loses its elasticity and vibrance. I stop caring…

I can’t define what made me happy anymore. Everything, including my hobbies like running a blog and social media page, started to feel like a chore. The initial joy that I felt from creating and producing, no longer was there.

I constantly denied myself the things I wanted due to financial reasons. Like a strict diet, I closed myself off from my feminine desires. This affected how I behaved in my relationship too.

Instead of being celebratory and grateful, I was cynical and greedy.

Why wasn’t our house bigger, why did I still feel broke, why weren’t we capable of traveling more, why did my partner work so much, why did I always have to do the chores and work..etc..

The almost childlike sense of wonder I had, that initially made me attractive towards friends and partners, was slowly fading away. I felt myself turning into this cold, calculating, and “career-driven” woman, with nothing much to give other than work output. I wept horrendously one day in the living room because I thought having a stable career would make me happy, and it was as if my dreams came shattering down like thin pieces of glass. Because it just wasn’t enough. I met my financial goals for the year, yet I still felt incredibly empty and mentally poor.

My heart felt empty except for the times when….

• I didn’t work on the weekends and took a 2-hour stroll along the beach.
• Saw my friend for dinner at her new apartment.
• Spent the morning cuddling with my partner.
• I traveled and experienced new things.
• Finished a blog post or created a piece of content I was proud of.
• Dressed up my home to make it cozy and seasonal.
• Reading and digesting content from intellectual thought leaders.

It’s funny because the thing I thought would make me the happiest – my work turned out to be the thing that I couldn’t wait to get away from. 

And you know what, I’m tired of existing as a woman with a hyper-masculine mind. This is why my word for 2024 is to reconnect with my femininity… whatever that is going to mean.

I’m scared shitless of doing this

I’ve always subconsciously associated femininity with a kind of laziness. I know, horrible, considering I’m a woman and a feminist and all. But I always believed that to succeed, you needed to have a relentless drive and thirst for power/money/knowledge. 

I don’t even know how to properly describe femininity, nevertheless, how to “reconnect” with it.

But I do know that femininity is a type of feeling and energy you project out into the world. 

If you’ve ever spent a day with a woman and just felt powerless around them, yep, that’s feminine energy.

If you ever thought you saw a walking goddess, not walk,  but float, into the room, that’s feminine energy.

If you ever felt like you could be best friends with a woman you just met. Feminine energy.

If men will do anything to protect, provide, and make you happy. Feminine energy.

There have been moments in my life, where I did feel like THAT girl. And you know what, I miss her tremendously.

The girl who attracted the most positive, fun, and successful people into her life.

The girl who people would stick out to protect, with no other ill intentions.

The girl who was excited to get up in the morning and felt aligned with what she was doing.

The girl had clothes draped over her body like a silk glove.

The girl who could get high off a yoga class.

I am acknowledging that this is going to be an uncomfortable journey. And that I’m starting from ground zero, and there’s a possibility my mentality on certain things may evolve and change. In a way, I’m scared of how people are going to react to the beginning of my journey, especially given I’m not an “expert” at this.

What a feminine woman is not (concepts I have to relearn)

• A feminine woman is not a pushover. They are not easy to anger nor confrontational, but they have clear boundaries that will reject those that are not aligned.
• A feminine woman is not submissive. They are entitled to their own thoughts, opinions, and world view.
• A feminine woman is not lazy. They are conscious of their need for rest and replenishment as a way to recharge their creativity.
• A feminine woman is not jealous nor envious, They uplift and cheer on both the men and women in their life. They do not talk down on others.
• A feminine woman is not dressed to the tens all the time. They project a type of energy that is soft and inviting.
• A feminine woman is not overzealous in inappropriate areas. They prioritize the tasks that are most important to their personal values and goals.
• A feminine woman is not narcissistic. They exuberate a type of innate confidence that doesn’t need to overshadow anyone else’s light.
• A feminine woman is not poor. They will be supported by a combination of their innate abilities and/or a providing, masculine partner.

So what does this mean for your content?

My content has always been about personal development. It then shifted to prioritize the personal development and success of women, because it’s easier to speak for women when you are one. The topics like managing your personal finances, dating, and mental wellness do not contradict the concept of femininity; I would argue they actually go hand in hand. As far as career development, I’ll be focusing less on the nitty-gritty or technical details of how to get from A to B, and more on how to find happiness and alignment both in the workplace and in life. My goal for my blog readers is to help them basically rethink the way they think about desire, happiness, and perhaps what it means to be a woman in the 21st century.

Ambitious and hard? Yes.

Impossible? No.

If there’s a sliver of a chance I can make it happen, I’ll be damned not to give it a shot.

Final Words

For the ladies who are scared of slowing down… I have news for you. I’ve met women at the peak of their careers (set for life level)  and ended up abandoning everything to start from ground zero because it no longer felt right. And I’m sure there are many women out there who have burnt themselves out to the point where their health is suffering as a result, or their relationships are in demise. I do not want to get to that point.

From a young age, I’ve always admired feminine women. These women were not poor nor financially dependent on their spouses. They had their own businesses, that arose from something that they were deeply passionate about and innately good at. Some had health or cooking blogs or were yoga teachers, or ran beauty channels on YouTube that turned into full-time brands and businesses. When these women spoke, their auras spoke to me and I think that powerful essence and certainty is what femininity is. The certainty in who we are, what our gifts are, and how to channel those gifts into creating something good for others, and ourselves. It’s a type of healing that ends up being therapeutic or healing for others too. Think about it: A really good yoga teacher allows you to release physical and mental pain from your body. A positive beauty Youtuber can help alleviate the daily mental suffering from depression, even if it’s temporary. A musician can help uplift your spirit when times are tough. Feminine women can wear a power suit or athleisure wear; there is no formal dress code for her. What they do share in common is this powerful magnetism; which can be leveraged to build powerful communities and then, legacies.

Women are generally motivated by helping, empowering, and lifting others. Hence, when one woman is successful, is likely that she brings ten more people up with her. This is a powerful and unique strength that can help reduce competition and increase cooperation in an increasingly divided society.

My hope is that more women realize they don’t need to be a robot or a shark to succeed. And that the definition of success can be changed to suit individual needs of fulfillment. As long as whatever we’re doing is financially sustainable, and that we are working towards mastery; you don’t have to make $10 million dollars or create an “empire” to be successful. You can be a successful mother, community leader, spouse, artist, athlete… and so much more… Perfection is not attainable, but the process of working towards betterment is.

As women, we need to change our limited perception of success, and then maybe, we can finally begin to feel like we can breathe.