Women are culpable and emotional creatures, despite how much we try to masculinize ourselves these days. But alas, it is our vulnerability and compassion that makes us so captivating. Maybe you started dating when you were as young as 16. Or maybe you’re a late bloomer like me. Regardless of when you started your journey, the emotions of meeting someone new, and the possibility of love still sends flutters down your gut. Love is a powerful thing because it makes a woman step into and embrace her femininity even more. The caveat of this is that sometimes, this desire to give and support becomes ever so overpowering, and often it’s not directed at the right men. If there were only a couple of pieces of advice I could relay to my younger self, the following would be it.
Younger me did not lack emotional intelligence, she simply did not have the experiences and heartbreak that gave her the necessary lessons on dating. I hope for those that are starting or restarting their dating journey, this provides some helpful insight.
#1 Wait at least 5 years before you start dating entrepreneurs or “ceo’ types
In general, dating someone who’s 110% invested in their work is not compatible with your early 20s. From the ages of 19-23 (give or take), most people are enjoying a good time, investing in adult friendships, and filling their weekends with festivities. We’re looking for presentness, spontaneity, and emotional intimacy in a partner. An entrepreneur generally cannot fully provide at least one of those things.
#2 Stop trying to split the bill with a guy (esp ones that have 5+ years on you)
Dumb, dumb me trying to be “independent” back in the day. Man if I could only transport back in time. Here are the facts, girl. The patriarchy wasn’t made up by Mattel…. Men in the workforce earn 17%, on average, more than women (this is just in North America, likely higher in other continents). A man who has a full time job and is your senior should not be trying to go 50/50 on dinner. Stop overstretching yourself financially to satisfy your own pride for being independent. Save that money so you can do independent girlie things for yourself and others, later on, when you actually have the means. If a guy is trying to split the bill and is cognizant of this dynamic, fucking run!!!
#3 Don’t feel an ounce of shame for exploring your sexuality with different people
Women have been oppressed sexually the most. Ironic, because we are the most sexualized noun on the planet. Fuck what they have to say, because sometimes you’re not going to find out what you like by laying your eyes on the first Joe you meet. If you do, fuck you, you’re lucky. Utilize your single time for, first, personal development (obviously). And second, don’t be afraid to test out the waters with different partners (safely). Practice your communication skills, and seek a partner who’s explorative and who derives pleasure from making YOU feel good. Finding your sexual rhythm is a liberating experience— and this can be transferred to future long-term relationships.
#4 Be direct about protection and STIs (protect yourself!)
Storytime. The time I thought I caught an STI was possibly the worst day of my life. This was with a new partner who I knew little about. Thank god it turned out to be nothing…but could you imagine? If you contract a serious STI, it can literally turn your world upside down. It will affect everything including your confidence, self worth, dating potential, and ability to have kids. At least have a conversation. People who have trouble with confrontation (hands up) generally feel embarrassed or shy for bringing a sensitive topic like this up. But it’s way better to be safe than sorry. I always recommend using a condom for any new partners, and then asking for their most recent STI results. If you’re sexually active (with more than 1 partner), you should also be getting regularly tested depending on how active you are. Remember, a 2 minute conversation can save you hours and hours.
#5 Stop being a “yes” girl. Have your own schedule and meet someone in the middle, not run to their lane.
I used to always be the YES girl because of my people-pleasing tendencies. I was constantly going out of my way to meet people where they were, instead of having them come to me. Girl, sit your ass back down, make yourself a drink, and sit tight. If they want to see you, you have them create a plan ahead of time, and also have a plan that will get you where you need to be that doesn’t include any of the following:
-Walking
-Public transport
DO NOT under any circumstance, compromise your own schedule or plans for m-e-n. This is a practice of discipline and self worth. The more you respect yourself, the more respected you will be by others.
If you enjoyed these five pieces of relationship advice, please make sure to check out my free Ultimate Red Flag Checklist, which is available now.
Secret Prose 
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