Why “Comfortable” Isn’t Enough

Hello my friends, this is another #TMI post about personal finances. So if you aren’t into that, this is your chance to back out.

I came across something super interesting the other day. I haven’t journaled in a while, so I thought I would take my dusty pink bible out one morning. Clamped between the cover and the first page is an assortment of envelopes, files, and loose papers. Among one, was a neatly folded one-pager of a detailed “ideal” personal expense list.

I wrote this around six months ago. At that time, I wasn’t making enough money to cover rent. And I was feeling extremely cuffed by my finances. 

I know most people spout out numbers when they’re asked what ideal income they want at a job, or in honest conversation with peers. I used to do this too, $100,000 per year was my standard answer. So much so that on a small piece of paper, I had written this number down with a due date and stuck it up on my bedroom wall above my computer.

However, I transitioned my thought process from ‘guessing’ how much money I needed, to a more logical method of determining this number. This has reduced the self-critical voice in my head and lessened the pressure to work to the bone at a job I might not necessarily enjoy.

Having a less demanding job, allows me to explore other avenues of my interests in my free time. We all know what high-stress jobs can do to our mental health, and how it zaps our energy, foregoing any opportunity to pursue anything else. At a job that isn’t as demanding, and has a great culture, I have the energy to study new things, tinker with business concepts, and continue my journalism work.

Below is a picture of that one-pager I’m describing:

I highlighted the portions that I already had. Notice that many of the things on the list are what you considered “non-essential”. The point of this exercise for me was to let myself determine how much income I needed to make to truly feel comfortable, meaning being able to afford small luxuries like massages and new clothing every month. I’m not the type to settle for a life living on beans and sleeping in a basement suite. I determined I needed around $4600-$5000/month to be completely comfortable (savings included).

Today, as you can see I make just under $4600/ month after taxes.

And here’s the hard truth.

I’m not super comfortable, and I feel like I’m living on the cusp of comfort.

But I’m also compassionate towards myself because the reality is living costs have gone up and our purchasing power has gone dramatically down.

The reality is for me to buy household groceries, would be sacrificing a nice dinner out with friends. If you know me, you would know how much I prioritize relationships, and many of those interactions happen around lunches, dinners, experiences..etc. I know many people might disagree with me on this, but this is just how I chose to spend my money. I work hard on a daily basis, so I deserve the reward and replenishment of enjoying meals at nicer restaurants.

Reasons why I’m Barely Comfortable

Rent –  A big chunk of my income (22%) goes towards my rent. And I’m not complaining about this at all. I share a gorgeous, 500ft, one-bed apartment with my partner. The views are immaculate (if you’ve seen my Instagram) and it genuinely brings me peace when I have a moment to enjoy it. One of the big pluses is the hot tub and the gym that we have here. All in all, it’s also a great place to host friends in the summer because there’s an outdoor BBQ patio. In my past life, I would have never even ‘manifested’ this apartment, it kind of just came out of nowhere, to be honest.

Food costs – Food costs have increased on average by $1(across the food industry). We have a grocery store located conveniently right across the street from us, and sometimes I see lettuce prices as high as $7.99. Grocery shopping used to be a comforting activity, but now it evokes fear. Luckily, my partner covers our grocery bills because he makes significantly more than me.

Savings – 22% to 27% of my income goes towards savings. This leaves me left with around 50% of discretionary spending. But a lot of that goes towards monthly subscriptions and services (11%).

Travel – I’m unable to do all the traveling I want at this point in time because of my job and financial reasons (I would have to tap into my savings). Many people get the false impression that I travel all the time, perhaps from social media, or because they had a clear impression of me from the COVID days. Yes, during COVID I was traveling above normal amounts, but since then, I’ve returned to baseline amounts 1-2 times a year.

For me, traveling really serves me in the way that it gives me a complete reset, and replenishes me mentally and physically. Ideally, I want to be traveling around four times a year (or every quarter).

The amount I need to work to stay comfortable – The majority of my income from my job goes towards rent and savings. I have two other side hustles to take care of my discretionary spending because, without them, I would have no savings at all. Although I love my side hustles, there are some weeks that are harder to maintain my energy levels while balancing three jobs. It would be nice to do something that guarantees a higher rate in return.

Eventually, I will replace both of these side hustles with some type of business (which I’m also developing).

My mindset – I’m so used to living with a scarce mindset, that even when I can afford something, I choose ways to “cheap” out on things. For example, I stopped getting my nails done as frequently, and reduce my clothing spend. This is probably better for the long run anyways.

Some Takeaways

⏩I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but there are still ways to go: The other day my therapist stated how hard I worked to arrive at a place of “financial sustainability”. I thought it was really weird at the moment because I always have a different perception of ‘how hard I work’ compared to how others perceive me. A few of the beliefs I have about myself are that I don’t work hard enough, I can’t burn out, and that things happen to me out of chance. Looking at that one-pager reminded me of how far I’ve come to get to this ‘ideal’ place. But my standards have also simultaneously gotten higher for what I want out of my life, so I’m continuing to work hard to get to an even more comfortable state. A part of that is money, and another part is eliminating fear from my life.

🧠It’s really all about mindset: You can have the biggest house and a boat and still compare yourself to someone who has a jet and a bigger yacht. By fault, we always want more. 

Satisfaction and peace don’t come from more materialistic things but have to ultimately come from within. 

This is why most billionaires keep building their dream business concepts, invest in them, or engage in philanthropic efforts. They don’t really buy more houses (case in point, Elon Musk).

💐Reward yourself, you deserve it – Making lots of money with no time to enjoy your life kind of defeats the purpose. You’ll end up hating your life if you don’t find ways to sneak in rewards here and there. Integrating small luxuries into your life will give you the needed boost to bring more energy into your work and your relationships.

Why I’m choosing to share this

In my culture, talking about your finances is extremely taboo. After an unfortunate discovery with a family member, I learned just how hurtful dishonesty about finances can be. A year ago, I would have never imagined putting this out there. But a big part of my being vulnerable about my personal finances is to eradicate the fear of what people might think of me. We all liked to be perceived as successful and doing well, but the reality is most people at this age, isn’t doing as well as you think, at least financially. Even I catch myself playing the game.

Therefore, I’ve been trying to be more open and realistic about talking about my finances. Although I’m fortunate in many ways, I still have a long way to go. But at least I’m fairly confident, from here on out, my financial situation will only get better.