Friendships become on par with a luxury item in your mid-twenties—-they’re nice to have but not necessarily essential for survival.
Your mid-twenties is the most challenging time to cultivate proper friendships. If you’re any age below your twenties, you’ll naturally incur friends simply through proximity. Generally, you’ll see the same set of people for a couple of years at high frequency.
In your 30s, you most likely have a set friend group. This group includes the OGs (the people you’ve known forever) and excludes the people you decided to leave behind in your twenties.
There’s constantly a flurry of activity going on in your twenties. When you’re out in the world on your own without the loopy optimism of university or college to propel you forward, you’re forced to adapt quickly. That adaptation phase can be very tethering on your mind and body that it becomes hard to exert the effort that is required for friendships, and even relationships. You’ll also find yourself experiencing what I tend to think of as “growth spurts”; periods of rapid intellectual, spiritual, external, or mental development. Unfortunately, not everyone who was in your life in your adolescent or college days can adapt to the ‘new’ you.
For example, I used to be the girl in college who was at every social event, bubbly and vivacious in public. Today, I’m quiet and solemn even around people I’m closest to. But I’m also a better worker, more self-assured and confident than two years ago. I will say no 8/10 times if it doesn’t fit my schedule or convenience.
However, I also learned that neglecting our relationships for a long period of time can have repercussions. Friendships add another dimension, or layer to our lives. And finding the right friends to stick by can lead to deep, introspective, and fulfilling experiences. So without further ado, I thought I would share some of the distinct signs you should hang on to a friendship.
🟢Green Flags for Friendships
⏱️1. The person who is consistent
Some people think consistency means that they have to talk to someone every single day at an exact time. But if you really think about it, how exhausting would it be to talk to five different people every day at specific times?
Consistency simply means that someone exhibits similar behavior at a regular time. This could mean someone who calls you once every month, every two weeks..etc. A consistent person might not be the one who picks up your emergency calls at 2 am but is the one you can expect to show up consistently at specific times throughout your life. You can expect their personality and response to stay relatively static throughout time.
What are the benefits of having a consistent friend?
The answer is safety and reliability.
You never have to worry that the person is going to flake on you or react to bad news in a way that is unexpected. Consistent people can make the best friends, and when they perceive you as someone who’s in their ‘inner circle’, they will constantly make a concerted effort to make touchpoints with you—in order to maintain that relationship. They’re usually not overly emotional either, which makes them a great voice of reason when you’re experiencing states of hyperarousal.
🧑⚖️2. The friend who asks the questions
Many friendships in our life can become fluffy. They can become fluffy after long periods of time of not communicating, or if you’re entering a relatively new friendship. Fluffy essentially means lack of depth. They’ll ask you how your day was and talk about their jobs, maybe..a boy they’re seeing, but that’s the extent you can expect to get out of this friend
The friend who asks you uncomfortable questions is more likely to be a more sustainable friend. They wouldn’t ask you these questions unless they genuinely wanted to probe you, in order to develop a deeper connection with you. Vulnerability leads to trust and cooperation. These people encourage you to go to deeper places with them.
The inquisitive person is one who prefers listening, to talking. Not only that, but they probe you because they’re genuinely interested, not because they want an excuse to respond.
These friendships are mentally stimulating and are more likely to lead to personal growth.
☮️3. The virtuous one
This is the person who always thinks before they act. They can act as a balance or a voice of reason especially if you have an impulsive personality. They naturally inspire through action, not preaching. They can make you think about your behavior, thought process, and value systems. Don’t mistake virtuous friends as people who “stick up their asses.” Virtuous friends are not without flaws, and they know this. They simply challenge you to reflect on existing norms in your life—some of which might not actually be aligned with what you value ethically or in general.
🧘4. The egoless one
These people are genuinely happy about your accomplishments. They feel the desire to praise, show affection and support, and even share your well-doings with others. And they do this from a completely selfless capacity.
Some of the best traits you can look for in a friend is the ability to be happy for others. The abundance mindset allows more than one person in the room to be successful all at once. These people exuberate joy, abundance, and positivity everywhere they go and are not easily threatened. They’re genuinely lovely figures to have around.
💌5. The compassionate/generous one
This person will pick up emergency calls, and will never let you go home from a party by yourself. They’re extremely generous with their time, resources, and emotional bandwidth. These are the people that make you feel “warm and fuzzy’ after every interaction. The feeling of being loved can be very pure and healthy, especially when it comes from friendships. This person makes you want to practice more compassion in your own life, and perhaps they can mirror the positive reflection they have of you, back to you.
Conclusion
If you’re lucky enough to come across a great friendship, try your best to lock it down as much as possible. These relationships truly deserve your attention and effort and trust that they will nourish you in the coming days. Friendships are similar to relationships—in a way that the friendships that bring temporary spikes of adrenaline and infatuation may not be the ones that end up lasting long-term. These can be seasonal friends, but note that you’re likely to outgrow them at one point or another.
Life gets harder as we grow older, and having a solid support system in the form of authentic friendships can help you weather the tough years. Choose wisely, because the people you choose to invest your time in can play a significant role in the person you become.
Secret Prose 
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