Self-love to me means acceptance, understanding, and compassion. We’re often the harshest critics of ourselves, and we neglect our own health and priorities for the sake of others. We fall and stay in the wrong relationships because we don’t value ourselves enough. The deeper you fall in love with yourself, the more your life transforms for the better. Here are six ways to fall in love with yourself this year.
#1. Follow your gut
The more you learn to trust yourself, the more confidence you will have in yourself. Many of us rely on guidance from others because we feel like we are incompetent to lead the way. The truth is, we all bring our own uniqueness and perspective when it comes to a problem. Don’t diminish that voice that keeps telling you that something’s off
#2. Go and build something for yourself
Pursue some kind of career or larger purpose. Traditional work is not synonymous with purpose; you could be learning, growing, and achieving in ways that are not tied to monetary gain. Not having a form of purpose to wake up to in the morning is the worst thing you can do for your mind. When I look at my current boss’s life, he’s 70 years old but doesn’t look a day past 50. He’s running a multimillion business and still gets back to all my emails within a day. He’s kept his mind sharp by doing things well past the conventional age of retirement.
#3. Allow yourself to feel
We’re all made up of these complex emotions- some are painful, and some make us feel alive. Embrace them all and accept all these different parts of yourself.
#4. Never stop getting to know yourself
There is always something new to learn about yourself. My formula for getting to know yourself is:
Consume informative content (ie. self-help books, podcasts) + Take one day completely to yourself (no work, no distractions) + Therapy (option, but recommended) + Have 1-2 people you can have open discussions with once a month + Write it down somewhere (notes on your phone, blogging, vlogging, creating art)
#5. Learn how to set boundaries with people
Two of the most important areas to set boundaries are in our relationships and in our work.
Work – Watch out for responsibility pour-over. Oftentimes your employers will “pour over” responsibilities to you framing it as an accomplishment, yet without a pay raise. This happens more than you think. Make sure you negotiate a raise if your responsibilities have increased or you’ve had a title change.
The weekenders: You are not legally obligated to work on weekends. Period.
Relationships-
- Do you constantly feel like you’re the one giving in a relationship? Relationships are reciprocal and nurturing, it should not feel like a one sided-effort.
- Do you have the emotional bandwidth to capture someone else’s tough emotions? You’re probably 50% more helpful if you can approach someone else’s problem when you’re at a calm and emotionally full capacity.
- Reschedule if you have to. I’m not saying to be that “flaky” friend, but sometimes it’s okay to revisit an interaction when you have a fuller capacity.
#6. Become a Giving Person
The concept of giving and altruism has become very mainstream. Research has shown that people who give more, are on average, happier. Realistically speaking, we need to feel somewhat safe in order to give:
By that I mean:
-Get yourself financially secure. You don’t need to be a millionaire or billionaire to give, but having some kind of baseline security will redirect your thinking from thinking about “how am I going to pay for this”, to “how can I contribute more to this”.
-People that think or say “money doesn’t matter” are lying to themselves.
-You can only give so much without substance before you give out too
Giving doesn’t have to be monetary
- You go out of your way to help someone out, that’s giving.
- You make time in the day to get on a phone call with a peer, that’s giving.
- You volunteer, that’s giving
- You give good advice, that’s giving
- You compliment someone, that’s giving
There are multiple forms and layers to giving. We can all become generous people, and oftentimes it’s the non-monetary gifts we give or receive that are more fulfilling than, let’s say, buying someone a meal (which is nice too, of course).
But a meal is a short-term fix. If you provide someone with a long-term solution, that’s where the gold is at.
You become how you act. If you say you want to be a giving person, a nicer person..etc. but you don’t exhibit any behavior that matches that trait, the incongruence will cause you pain. If you act in a way that mirrors how you describe yourself, the congruency will bring you peace and fulfillment.
Doing = Becoming
Not the other way around.
Secret Prose 
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