I don’t think any of us grow up dreaming about working hard. What I mean by that is, working hard as a means to an end. We believe that the harder we work, the more access we will gain to the luxuries of life, and, thus, the more fulfilled we will be.
Watching my immigrant parents work hard for the majority of my life taught me that sometimes no matter how hard you work, it’s still a challenge to find that sweet spot where you feel fully secure. I was sheltered from all the financial struggles my parents had when I was younger, but now as a young adult, I know that the lack of vacations and lowered frequency of dining out as I got older demonstrated that my parents were always on some level struggling despite how much they tried to work. Despite this, I have fleeting memories of my parents slowly walking behind me, hand in hand, and cuddling on the couch after a long day. My parents were able to create happiness and fulfillment in small moments and small luxuries, despite not having much on paper.
In recent times, I pictured an ideal life as working 80-hour weeks at an impactful ‘career’ and living an above-average lifestyle. However, in reality, the fact is, I feel strangulated by time, even working regular work hours (9-5, 7 days a week). My partner, if lucky, comes home before 9 pm three days out of the week.
After work, it feels like a frantic race to fit in a workout, feed myself, and catch up on other work. I’ve created more and more work for myself, subconsciously trying to feed the mental desire to achieve more and to make more money.
The fact is, for everyone, living has gotten more expensive. And it’s hurting people not only at the bottom income ranges but people who own homes, are paying off their mortgages, and people who are in the middle-income brackets (70k+-100k). That means, more than ever, we have to work harder to maintain our regular day-to-day lifestyle.
And so, in this post, I decided to lay out three simple tips for living a more fulfilled life that doesn’t involve making more money or “working” harder.
Don’t Forget the Small Stuff
I find that as our lifestyle elevates as we progress in our lives, careers..etc., we tend to experience a desensitizing effect on the good happenings in our life. Things that might have made us feel elated two years ago might only muster a slight emotion now.
One practice we can integrate into our lives is simply stopping, reflecting, and sharing the good things that we’ve experienced that day, no matter how trivial it might seem.
There are many ways we can adopt this, and you don’t have to stick with one method. I used to write a small note of gratitude and dump it into my gratitude “jar” with the date on it. Now, I tend to verbally share what went well with my day with my partner or my therapist (on a bi-weekly basis).
I find that no matter how bad of a day or week I’m having if I have to share what’s going on with someone else, I’m forced to reach into the depths of my brain and pull out some positive moments.
If you’re anything like me, you have a myopic view of the world, and you tend to only focus on the negatives. If you’re aware of this, I encourage you to build new habits of looking at the world through an opportunistic lens. When you see the world as full of possibilities, you’re ability to contribute to it also increases.
Remove Yourself from Tense Environments Daily
We hold a lot of tension in our bodies without noticing it. Even when we’re knee deep in doing something we’re passionate about, we simply delay the strain we get from pushing ourselves intellectually, physically, or emotionally. That’s why burnout, as I talk all about in this post, occurs gradually throughout time.
This is why I recommend finding ways to destress every day. If you’re someone who’s driven by productivity, taking a proactive step back can be a difficult thing, and even counterintuitive. You may have conditioned yourself to be in constant fight or flight mode.
The issue with this is that your adrenal levels are constantly shot up. Over time, this can lead to your adrenal system —the area of your body that regulates stress and other essential functions being depleted. This will inevitably lead to burnout later on and a slower recovery.
Say No to Things You Don’t Love
The third tip is probably the hardest of them all. Most of us go through life doing things because we feel like we have to, instead of because we want to. If you feel overwhelmed already at work, take a minute before you say yes to another obligation.
I’m cognizant now of only taking on projects that I love, because I know I’ll be much happier putting time and effort into it.
A lot of this comes down to honest communication and being frank about your capacity. When you’re doing well in your career, naturally, people will come to you because they trust you. Although that’s great, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to always say yes.
When we’re constantly weighed down by tasks or activities we don’t truly align with, it takes away from our ability to do the things we love, well. The more in tune we are with the things we love and excel in; the more of a fulfilled life we live, and the longer we persist at that activity.
Conclusion
Most of us want to be happier and more fulfilled and we think the solution is to work harder and harder for it. The truth is, fulfilment is intrinsic and identifying what are the factors that truly bring us joy and purpose. If it’s not working 80 hours a week at a job that keeps us afloat, what is it?
There’s no single answer and for everyone this answer will be different depending on what brings you satisfaction.
I encourage you to set apart some time and think about whether what you’re doing every day truly brings you a sense of purpose. Or revisit if you’re spending enough time with friends, loved ones..etc, the people that remind you of who you are even through times of ‘stuckness’.
Secret Prose 
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