You open your phone at 10 pm on a Friday night. Here are the following things you see. A group of people (maybe friends) at a party. A really dope concert. Someone watching the sunrise in Cancun. Another person posing idyllically in front of the Eiffel Tower.
How do you feel?
Truthfully, I used to languish over Fridays. After a challenging week of studying and attending classes, all I wanted was to let loose a little. However, I found myself in bed, alone, with absolutely zero plans.
When you see images of people having fun, experiencing new things, and traveling, it’s normal to feel a sense of fomo (fear of missing out).
However, one thing you have to realize is that everyone’s playing in their own lane. I can attest to the fact that sometimes what you (and your body) actually needs is rest, not to be out until 3 AM taking tequila shots with José in Cancun.
What you’re experiencing (in this case, your phone), are snapshots of other people’s lives, that may have been preconceived in advance or moments that were precisely right for them. And you’ll be surprised how often the camera lies. Sometimes, people are miserable at those parties, on those trips, maybe they just had a fight with their friend and it’s a total mess, but hey, you can’t tell any of that from an Instagram story.
Here’s a hard pill to swallow. When Friday rolls around and you’re ready to ‘relax’ a little, meaning you don’t have the work to distract yourself with. If you feel anxious because you have no plans, it’s most likely because being alone with yourself is extremely uncomfortable.
The problem here, is not that you lack activities and plans, but that you’re incapable of sitting alone with your thoughts. Therefore, my advice to people that struggle with this, is to return to yourself in the truest form. What are your actual interests outside of work? How do you unwind? What small things make you happy in the day-to-day?
Here are some of my favorite techniques to get to know yourself better and get over #fomo.
Find hobbies outside of work
I’m serious about this one. When we don’t have anything that brings us a sense of satisfaction like ‘productivity’ does, it can really be hard to find joy in stillness.
We all need moments of stillness in our lives, as a form of replenishment.
However, if stillness ends up bringing us a tremendous amount of angst—it becomes counteractive to this notion.
I know, for some, hobbies come quite intuitively.
As for myself, I never really had hobbies outside of drawing (when I was young), reading, and writing.
But since I write predominantly for my line of work, it can be nice sometimes to step away from the screen.
I encourage people to think back to what they really enjoyed as children. Sometimes, the most hidden hobbies when retrieved can turn into a new hobbies. For me, that’s arts and crafts. Am I the best artist? Absolutely not. But I love putting together boards with different images and texts, even making handmade cards.
Do I think of these activities on a regular basis? Big no again.
Sometimes, you have to encourage yourself to start on something, even if it’s five minutes before the joy you experience from the activity is reactivated.
We can always reactivate parts of our lives that make us happier beings, but we have to pull the trigger on this, in order for it to happen.
Carve out time intentionally for yourself, and for others
For me, if I’m really focused on something in front of me, it doesn’t matter if it’s a Monday or a Friday evening; I can find contentment with where I am and what I’m doing.
Just like we time-block things for important tasks, I want to invite you to do the same thing with self-care time and rest.
I know, it’s much easier said than done. Rest and replenishment can look different for people. If you’re introverted, perhaps you just love hanging out at home. If you’re extroverted, you might recharge by being around people at a social event. Regardless of what that looks like, I want you to intentionally carve that time in your week—whether it’s the weekend or mid-week.
Learn a New Skill
Often, fomo comes from the feeling of boredom, more than anything else. I find that the biggest defiant of boredom is learning.
If you can commit a few hours a week to learn a new skill— maybe a language or a new sport, it can really help your mind stay alert and challenged.
Learning has been attributed to greater health and life satisfaction according to research. It expands our worldview and opens our minds to all the possibilities the world has to offer.
Turn off Your Phone
Often, the easiest hack to turn away from the noise of what’s “going on out there”, is simply to turn off your device for a few hours.
I find that when we’re not checking Instagram every ten minutes, our brains are a lot less flooded with idealistic images, or stories of people seemingly doing something more exciting than what you’re doing.
As a result, you’re more likely to stay focused on what’s in front of you.
Conclusion
Do you know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you’re sitting in front of a dear friend you haven’t seen in ages? I encourage you to find that same feeling when you spend time with yourself.
I think the best recipe for defeating the notion of fomo is to find peace in your own company and destress our brains by not constantly checking our phones for what’s happening. Instead, you should focus on what’s going on right here, right now.
Secret Prose 
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