We’re cruising on the tip of Summer, and although I know not everyone might be living their best “hot girl summer” (cue to me in the same pair of yoga pants), even if that’s the case you’re probably still snatching some dates here and there.
Without any further ado, I thought I might share some of my favorite dating tips— for one sultry and sizzling Summer.
I’ve collected these tidbits of advice over my years of both dipping into the casual dating pool and from serious relationships. This post will naturally be more geared towards the Tinderellas and Tinder princes.
It is entirely possible that you will not find the love of your life during this time.
However, it is equally as probable that you can still have a lot of fun and gain something from these experiences (other than the drinks, ladies).
To ensure you have a dating experience that’s filled with more quality as opposed to unnecessary heartbreak, I encourage you to keep these simple tips at the back of your mind.
1. Stay away from this type
When we’re embarking on the single life, maybe fresh out of the water— it literally can feel like you’re a floppy fish learning how to swim for the first time.
Anything, literally anything, looks like a good catch. I mean, we have to eat right? Maybe your ideal type is someone dark, tall and handsome. Maybe an intellectual. Or someone extremely creative and can play you serenades on the guitar. Perhaps even a combination.
Regardless of what your type is— there is one thing that can make you throw it all away.
That’s right—this is the ‘bad boy’.
The bad boy isn’t necessarily someone who’s bad at heart or wants to actively harm, but it’s someone you feel goes against the contrary in many ways. They can take any form or size (not just some dark brood on a motorcycle who plays in a rock band).
He probably shows you an elevated level of interest at the beginning, only to taper off and come back occasionally with the shallowest indications of attention.
Bad boys give you that adrenaline rush you might think you’re seeking, but truthfully, it just becomes an endless game of cat and mouse. And you’re always the one doing the chasing.
Don’t go for these types. Period.
They will exhaust you, and likely even hurt you in the process. These are the biggest energy zappers and they’re not worth a second of your time.
I’ve gone for a fair share of these mysterious three-time flukes. The allure is always promising in the beginning, but it becomes apparent very quickly what their true intentions are — and basic respect is not in the equation.
2. Communication: If They Don’t Text Back Consistently, They’re Probably Not Into you
If you’re dating around, you need to develop a fair level of resilience. Not everyone is going to become a match made in heaven— in fact, the majority of them won’t.
You need to somewhat accept this fact and not become a hopeless romantic, conjuring expectations for everyone you meet.
Sometimes what we like to do is latch onto the memories, perhaps in the very early stages of when we first started talking to someone. All the attention and praise they gave you in the beginning, doesn’t neglect the patterns they’ve been exhibiting most consistently- that is ignorance.
Here’s a hard pill to swallow for most of us. Some people lose interest. We all do sometimes. Except, a lot of the time people also don’t like letting something go, especially if it serves them from time to time.
Everyone likes companionship and sex. These are basic needs. But not everyone wants to offer the commitment or the time of day to get these things when they think they already have fair access to it.
I’ll give you an example. If I already have someone I consistently have casual sex with—-and it’s great. I don’t necessarily feel the need to go out and scope for more.
It’s there for me, it’s even scheduled most of the time. I’m busy and my priority at that time in my life might not be to find the love of my life. And that’s perfectly okay.
But if you are in a different stage and looking for someone who’s on the same page as you— it’s your responsibility to make that expectation clear from the beginning. Stop playing the games and being indirect. In fact, sometimes displaying what you truly want right from the gecko can make you appear more confident and attractive.
And most importantly, you’re holding your self-respect to the highest level. Don’t let yourself be strung, and learn when to cut the cord.
As someone who’s gone through this so many times, I urge ladies to be more direct and to know themselves well before they embark on this journey of dating (whether it’s casual or serious).
Either do one or the other, because those expectations will be very different.
3. Create Healthy Boundaries for Yourself
As many women are, we’re naturally more giving and feel the obligation to take care of others. However, when you first start seeing someone and testing the waters, you need to exercise a healthy degree of self-control when it comes to giving.
Don’t give too much of anything in the beginning. What I mean by this is not in a playing games type of way, but I mean bringing them gifts, food, excess emotional support..etc.
Regardless of how altruistic you feel in the moment, if you don’t unconditionally love this person, there is always some type of expectation they will reciprocate what you’re giving— and not for an exact exchange of what you give them, but you expect attention and love.
Alright here’s the second pill. No one asked you to give them anything. Therefore, there is no real obligation from the other side to return what you’re looking for.
When they don’t reciprocate your actions, we often feel distraught and unappreciated and we feel the need to retaliate by ‘playing it cool’.
It again leads back to this endless mental battle—and mostly with yourself.
The other side often is unaware or they just don’t want to address it, especially if it’s not explicitly bothering them.
On my last trip to Paris, I met a guy. I know, romantic right?
I had zero expectations going into this trip to find anything serious, but to my surprise, it seemed like he was really sincere and wanted to put in the effort to get to know me. I thought, why not, what could go wrong?
We would face time every couple of days while I was traveling. And I started to even like him a little. However, after the first few weeks, it became evident he was distant and busy. He couldn’t help it at the time, because he was actually quite busy with graduation and exhausting interviews. But I couldn’t help but feel led on and neglected.
Recalling my experiences from the past and also, our conversations about being completely transparent— I confronted him over the phone about what his true intentions were. He remained firm that he was serious, but at the end of the day, they can say one thing and act another. Words have to follow the proceeding actions. That’s an important truth.
I let that one go because I knew it would be completely unfair to myself if I kept taking away time from my day waiting for him.
That was probably one of the strongest, most self-respecting moves I’ve made for myself in regard to dating. He didn’t take it well—judging by the no response for months, but I know in the end it was for the best, at that time.
Conclusion: Practice Makes Perfect
These tips were gathered through years of ‘failed’ experiences in dating. I can only hope that more women out there realize their own missteps and learn to respect themselves to the highest level.
It really does change the game when you learn about yourself first, thoroughly, and you become an honest and direct communicator.
Dating can be loads of fun—regardless of if you do it casually or seriously.
It’s also something you can leverage for self-discovery and learning.
With that being said, I hope you can enact your best hot girl summer, all year long ❤
P.S. Would love to do a male guide, but unfortunately, I don’t have many male friends. Leave a comment if you’re a guy and let me know what you think about this guide.
Secret Prose 
Leave a comment