How You’re Getting in Your Own Way of Forming Meaningful Connections

Relationships make our lives rich—adding intricacy and color into everyday experiences. The best part of my travels has been the people that I’ve met. I believe now that a city is only as beautiful as the people who show it to you

However, so many of us living in metropolitan cities, are confounded with such an artificial landscape for making friends or pursuing romantic relationships. Conversations often lack depth and reasons for meeting someone are purely transactional.

These types of relationships are likely to leave you with emptiness. You might have many of these ‘connections’, but how many people can you count on to have your back? 

At the end of the day, it’s a choice to put the effort into developing something that’s deeper, and let go of relationships that don’t serve us in a more spiritual sense. We sometimes like to hang on to these “friendships” that add no value to our lives, just because they’re not actually doing anything wrong. This can be a fatal mistake.

Here are the ways you’re holding yourself back from forming meaningful connections

You’re afraid of getting close to people because of past events

There’s always a friendship or a relationship that didn’t work out. You might have spent years with this person, thinking they were going to stay in your lives forever—and then one day, poof. They’re gone. You might feel that there’s no point in pursuing anything that requires you to be emotionally invested because you’re going to get hurt or be left at the end. This is a common fear. It’s also called avoidance.

The truth is, if you’re not willing to give trust, or put in the emotional investment, you’re never going to find the deeper and more rewarding relationships that are waiting for you. Trust is a reciprocal process. And it takes time and consistency to build it. Most people are not willing to put those two important factors in. This is why they fail to really gain trust from others.

I definitely had many relationships that never worked out. But I also have longstanding friendships that I always look back a decade or so later, and think to myself, what a beautiful relationship we’ve built over the years.

You’re not asking the right questions

If you want to know someone on a deeper level, you need to ask the right questions. Not what kind of dog they have, but things that involve a little more thinking. Think Past, Present, Future. What’s something that happened in the past that shaped who they are today. What are they working on and excited about in the present moment. What are their aspirations in the future?

Questions that draw out curiosity, someone’s values, and experiences. Asking the right questions are important because it allows you to see whether there’s a connection or not.

If you keep it a flat coffee talk, that’s what the relationship will always be—flat. You’ll have their numbers sticking around in your phone, even when there’s actually nothing meaningful there. You’re setting yourself up for a wasted time.

You’re lazy about growing the relationship

You meet someone you actually click with. Then life gets busy as it always does, and you never find the time or go out of your way to explore that relationship. You blame it on the fact that the other person also hasn’t reached out. Here’s the mistake: most people are afraid of taking a chance on something because they put themselves in a vulnerable position to be rejected.

Sometimes in life if you see something that’s worthwhile of pursuing, take the lead in your own life and go after it as you would for a career or a job. 

There are people that will reciprocate the effort, and there are those who won’t.

Some people might think “I don’t need more friends.”The truth is you have no idea where those friendships can lead to. For example, I have had some amazing experiences abroad and back home in B.C, because I put in the effort to develop some random friendships from work and school. You’ll always find a few hidden gems if you put the effort.

Conclusion

If you’re not forming meaningful connections, you’re not living life in its entirety. Meaningful relationships have a longitudinal impact on your well-being, self-discovery, and trajectory. But in order for these to come to light, you have to put in some level of effort and consistency. Be intentional about who you invite into your life, and who gets to stay. You only have a limited amount of energy to expend on your daily life tasks, and honing those relationships that will be the most important to you.